god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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