at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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