Where is the hickey?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
