hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
