Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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