My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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