Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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