she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
