Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you will always have a special place in my vag
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
