Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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