so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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