U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
