apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
