i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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