dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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