And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
