Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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