I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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