Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
