My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
