We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
