it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
