I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize