Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize