At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
