If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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