All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
