i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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