I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
