i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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