from now on my penis is your penis
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
