Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
