I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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