no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
