the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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