Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
