Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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