Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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