quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
