im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
