The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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