dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
two words: eviction party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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