who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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