you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
