Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
