All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize