I hope mine doesn't look like that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
