Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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