found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
