I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize