the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
