Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
