I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize