what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
