listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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