I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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