If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
