Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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