Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
