In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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