Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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