We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
