Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
