i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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