i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you never un-have a 4some
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
