margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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