Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
