i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize