i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
