There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
