my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
