What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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